Thoughts on 40

So I’m approaching the Big One. The Big 4-0 is just weeks away at this point, and that’s fine. I’m really fine with it. If you’ve ever known anyone that died young, you realize that getting older is the better alternative. I no longer lament over the days of my youth. OK I miss college. But I don’t lament over it anymore. And you know what? Once I entered my mid-20s, life was hard. And then I turned 30 and had children, and it got so much harder! So I’m looking forward to my 40’s. I think it’s going to be a great and wonderful decade!

Along with that, I recently had a clarifying moment. First though, I need to give some background. When I was young I did all kinds of adventurous things. I went to camp as a young teen and there I did repelling, both off a tower and once a year they took us to a cliff. It was really scary! And my favorite thing was the ropes course that ended with a zipline! I was a pro! No fear. I could go through at lightning speed. In Jamaica with my dad, I once went parasailing. I loved roller coasters! When I was in college, I bungee jumped. OK that one took some talking into. It was never something I really wanted to do. But after watching everyone I was with do it, I decided to do it too. (OK just because everyone’s jumping off a bridge doesn’t mean you should go do it, right?) But still it was MY decision. It was fine. Not something I felt the need to do again. Then I went backpacking in Europe. A friend of mine and I signed up to go paragliding in Switzerland. Are you kidding me? Interlachen, Switzerland is known for adventure and extreme sports. I totally wanted to do it. And I did. I freaking jumped off a mountain with some stranger for a guide attached to nothing but a parasail. It was unbelievable!

And then just like that it ended. I hit my mid-20s and started getting headaches, and motion sickeness, and low blood sugar. It took me a few years to learn that I was hypoglycemic, and I’ve had to watch that ever since. I carry peanut butter crackers around with me to have as backup should I need it. As a young married couple, Mike and I tried skiing for the first time. So far so good until I got talked into doing a run with a bunch of our friends before we had even completed our one day lesson. Had the run been like the slope we were practicing on, I would have been fine. But it wasn’t. It was a green but initially crossed over a blue. I think it was the death of me. It was horrible. I didn’t know how to get down it, so I zig-zagged, but I had to stop and FALL at every zig and zag because I had no idea how to turn around. And then I couldn’t get back up. And then my blood sugar started dropping. I eventually got off that steep slope and was fine the rest of the way down. But by the time I got to the bottom to go back to my lesson, I was near passing out from the drop in blood sugar from all the times I had to get back up on my skis.

Since then I’ve done a number of things. I’ve skied twice more (including last week for spring break), snowmobiling (worst experience EVER), snowshoeing (much more work than skiing), ATV’ing twice, and recently ziplining over a canyon in Cabo.

So we went to Cabo just last month. It was an incredible surprise 15^th anniversary trip! But there was a little too much adventure in this trip. We rode the ATV, which was fine. I don’t drive. After snowmobiling I know that I don’t want to be committed to steering my own vehicle for an unknown amount of time, in the event I have a blood sugar problem, which is likely to occur from steering and handling the vehicle continuously. So I rode with Mike.

But THEN we did the ziplining. It was hot by then. I was tired. It was EIGHT ziplines, with strenuous hiking in between. I enjoyed it for about half the time. And then I didn’t. And then I was miserable. And I didn’t always make it to the end. And I was hanging over a canyon and though I was hooked on had to pull my own weight to the end. And all I really wanted to do was go to the beach and go shopping.

And then there’s traveling in this post-9/11 world. Let’s just say I don’t have the same zeal to travel the world that I used to.

So I’ve had this internal struggle going on for quite some time. I want to LIVE. I mean really experience life. But at the same time, certain things just don’t appeal to me anymore. So my struggle has been that they kind of DO appeal to me, but then when I’m doing them I don’t even enjoy it. (Oh yeah, boating is another one. Totally makes me sick.) I don’t want to be lame. I don’t want to not do things. So I keep doing a lot of things because I think I still want the experience. But the epiphany that I had in Cabo is this:

I no longer want or need all of those experiences.

Yes I will still travel and go and do and SEE. See! I want to see stuff, and photograph stuff, and I like experiencing a bit of the local cultures (aka eating and shopping). And I’m happy to do those things! I enjoy that! It’s okay to not like to do something. It’s okay to take it easy. And I don’t have to be one of these women that runs marathons or does boot camp. (Of course, I still need to be in better shape, and perhaps some of these things would take a little less toll on me, but I am slowly getting there.)

So here’s to letting go of feeling like I have to do things like that. Or that I should enjoy things like that. And that doesn’t mean I can’t do anything adventurous. I can do whatever I want should I have the desire. And should do something if I want to do it. But it’s okay if I don’t desire to do that anymore. And I really don’t care what other people think about that. Not myself. Not my husband. Not co-workers or friends that we might be with at the time.

So two days ago I chaperoned my kids’ field trip to the rodeo. After the kids went home, we had time to kill so one of the moms asked if we wanted to stay and ride a few rides. I’m thinking “totally!” Except it depends on which rides. The other three moms got on some thing that spun you around like crazy. I said “No thank you!” And when they got off, I was so happy with my decision. Then they rode another. One mom said “this one won’t be nearly as bad.” (Oh, I must mention the carnival was just opening so none of the rides were running  yet to really see what they do.) They tried to convince me to go on this one. I still said no thanks. Well, this ride did a lot more than they thought. It spun them in every direction at all different heights and angles. At one point I saw someone’s phone plummet about 3 stories to the ground below. Turns out it belonged to one of the moms I was with. The poor phone died an awful death. And the moms were even sicker. And I was once again glad with my decision. I KNOW that I would have been sick for the entire rest of the day on those. And when you’re a mom, you can’t afford to be sick. I did say I’d ride a roller coaster (the rodeo coasters are small so I figured that would probably be fun.) We rode the closest one to us and, well, it sucked. It was lame. Sorry other moms that we wasted a ride on something that sucked, but I was still glad I didn’t go on the spinning death machines. I ate a really expensive shish kabob and a fried oreo. And I was happy.

Love my new perspective! Hope we can all accept who we are and be comfortable being us. Here’s to 40!