Twin Challenge #6 – Only One Is Invited…The Saga Continues

When my older girls were 4, I decided to put them in separate preschool classes for their own personal development. One challenge I never dreamed of at such a young age would be that they would not both be invited to the same birthday parties. In preschool, I was actually shocked the first time that it happened. The mom knew my daughter had a twin in the other class. Being a mom of twins, I would NEVER knowingly invite one twin and not the other, even if my child had never heard of this other person. So I was certainly surprised when it happened to us the first time. After that very awkward experience, I decided to just start asking moms if the other could come. A lot of times the invitation came through an evite, which didn't have anyone's name on it so I would just assume it was for both or whatever. I decided just to ask and if someone said no, well then we wouldn't go.

Then only 2 weeks into kindergarten here we go again. Only this time these moms really had no idea that the child they invited was a twin. The first one I asked actually had to say no. Again I was kind of surprised, but the more I thought about I could see where someone who had already limited their guest list would not want to pay for another child their kid did not know, twin or no twin. So I took it to my local twin club. The only response I received was from a mom who said hers started going to separate parties at age 5. (Same age as mine now.) Her advice was to embrace it because it wasn't going away. I never saw myself sending them to separate birthday parties until they were about 8. Everything we let them do has to be even. I would never dare send one and not the other, especially when they are the same age as all the kids and see them at school.

Now, moms who don't have multiples like to tell me how their children too have a hard time when one sibling is at a party and the other isn't. Yes, but they are not the same age! I think it's just one of those things that truly only moms of multiples can understand. Yes it is hard on all children, but I would bet it's harder on multiples. They have been together since birth. Social activities at 4 and 5 years old are always together, especially if they are the same sex. And multiples compete with each other on every level, making this issue an especially challenging one.

So this weekend we tried it for the first time. We sent Mackenzie to a party, sent Kaitlyn to her grandmother's, and Mike kept the little girls at home. Someone suggested we do something fun for the one at home. With 2 toddlers also home, that's really not a possibility. But we can't rely on my mom every time there's a party. So I'm trying. And I'm tired of asking about bringing the other one. It's awkward. So the first time was a success and already Mackenzie got invited to another one next week. I think we are just going to skip it until we can even the score a little.

And I'm sure there are plenty of moms out there who disagree with me. (But I bet they aren't moms of multiples.) Oh well, another learning and growing experience for my girls. At least they are making their own friends.