Twin Challenge #9 - Tender Moments

I think one of the biggest regrets that moms of multiples (or moms who have several small children) have is not being able to really have many of those special moments with your babies. You are too busy tending to everybody and everything and when you finally have a moment to stop you are so tired there is nothing more of you left.

It is so hard to watch other moms sometimes spend quality time with their little ones, holding them, giving them the attention they need at times, when you are racked with guilt and regret for having few of those moments.

But when you get them they are oh so sweet.

Ever since the little girls came along, I have regretted not being able to be there more for my older girls, who already had to share me from day 1. But the one time I have ALWAYS had with them occurs on a daily basis and that is bedtime. Sure the beginning of it is often stressful. There is often yelling as I try to get them ready for bed. But it also always ends happy, calm, peaceful and loving. We read books and say prayers, and inevitably bedtime is when they want to talk. They ask me deep questions, tell me their fears, and tell me about their day. I cherish this time with my girls and I’m so thankful I have been able to continue to carve out that time, regardless of the little girls’ schedule.

I have also mentioned many, many times how sweet Reagan is. She has been that way from the get-go. Though her crying and clinginess wear on me, her sweet endearing demeanor more than outweighs her fussiness. She is the one child I feel I have had the most of those tender moments with, in part because she has demanded them, and in part because the other kids, including her twin, have allowed me to have them instead of demanding my attention at those times. For about a year (though not really anymore), when I dried her off from the bathtub, we would sing Barney’s “I Love You” song together (I know what you're thinking - bleck! - but that's what she wanted and it was really sweet), with her wrapped in a towel, sitting on my lap, rocking back and forth. And more recently we do a lot of rocking at either bedtime or during night waking, usually for only 5 or 10 minutes. It’s just a peaceful time to snuggle with my little baby before she gets too big on me.

The one child who has demanded the least from me as far as loving and hugging is Ashley. She’s such a busy body I guess she doesn’t have time for it. She used to just wiggle so much she’d never let me love on her. The pedi was almost concerned (as a possible sign of autism) except I explained she would love on my mom. And yes, I was concerned – why her but not me? I really think I was probably too hands off, after being too hands on with the first set, that she just got used to it and no longer went to me for affection. I was a bit sad except the pedi just said to start loving on her as much as I could. So I did. It slowly improved but she still doesn’t stop and just want to be held very often. Most days that is a good thing, but I also want those moments with her.

Lately she has gotten to be so sweet though! She goes from one extreme to the other it seems. A pill one minute and a little angel the next. She’s been sleeping on her floor the last week (big girl beds are coming soon!) and the last few nights she’s asked that I sleep with her. While most of us get tired of hearing that night after night, she has never really needed me to stay. Or if she did I just left and closed the door and she would cry a minute and that was it. But her communication skills are really improving the last few weeks and for her just to ask, well, I couldn’t say no. I stayed with her for just a minute. Then I kissed her on the head, so she asked for one on her cheek, then her other cheek. Then she gave me one on each cheek, then my nose, then one eye, then the other….and she wasn’t being silly. I just don’t know how to explain why this was such a big deal other than that it’s just not typical of her. I almost didn’t want to leave. I wanted to just stay right there all night. And then I came to my senses of course. But I’m thankful for those moments. Those are the ones you want to capture in a bottle and keep forever.