Comparing

Lately the thought has been coming to my mind, did I have a more "fun" childhood than my own kids? And I kind of think that maybe I did. But this is not to say that my "fun" didn't come with a big cost. Or maybe it is just that my kids overall are still rather young (average is only 6 and maybe the memories I am thinking of really begin around age 8). But the cost is that my parents divorced when I was six and was maybe the catalyst for doing all that I did.

I spent my summers at the pool, all day, every day. But again, my step-dad ran the pool, so he was there, so we were there. Why not be there? And his kids were there, so I just stayed and played with them. We stayed all day. When we weren't swimming we brought toys to play with either on the big hill or indoors somewhere. And then we'd head back to the pool.

Having divorced parents, then there was this great need for our parents to entertain us. Every Friday we'd go to my dad's. Well, we always did something fun. Sometimes it was a movie (and often a boy movie that I actually wouldn't like because it was just me, my brother, and my dad) and we'd pick up Kentucky Fried Chicken. Yep, before it was called KFC. Sometimes it was laser tag. Sometimes it was video games. I don't really quite remember, but it was always something. My dad took me to play golf with him a lot. He'd take us to the driving range and then go get a movie or something. That was back when VCR's were brand new. I think he even had a "beta" VCR. My younger readers probably won't even know what that is I bet.

Then on Saturday night, we'd go back to my mom's and my step-dad's kids would come over. Once again, with there being 5 kids, they would take us somewhere. Usually it was Chuck E Cheese, but sometimes a movie or go-karts. But when you think about it, at least one night a weekend, if not both, I was getting to go somewhere fun.

And by the time I was about 8, I was always spending the night somewhere or having a friend spend the night with me. That was one of my very favorite things. I'm pretty sure I did that a lot. And I had no sisters, although my step-sister spent the night all the time. Saturdays it was all the kids but often it was just her, especially in the summer. But when it comes to my own kids spending the night (something we just started this year), I'm not too keen on it. I don't want them spending the night at a friend's if I don't know the parents very well, or if they have teenagers in the house that I don't know. And some of their friends have much older siblings. And with 4 kids here, I haven't exactly offered to take in other kids, though I would rather do that than them go somewhere else. And I feel like my kids have each other to play with so I don't make an effort really to extend things to other kids, and yet they really need and want more friends other than each other.

But again, things have changed. Their friends aren't always around. One leaves for the summer, another lives with her dad who works during the day, another I just don't know the parents very well. It's not like when I grew up in this close-knit little neighborhood where everybody knew everybody. And it seems a lot of the moms I get along best with have boys. Just the way it's worked out.

So on weekend nights I feel like we hardly do anything with them. We have started having movie nights some, and that has been fun. But then again, should I feel like I SHOULD entertain them the way I was entertained? Wasn't what all i got to do excessive? And yet I grew up in a funny way financially - without disclosing too much info but also because partly of my parents' divorce, on the one hand, I had everything I wanted (that wasn't TOO big anyway), and on the other hand, I saw lots of struggle and saving and frugalness. So I definitely appreciate the value of money, and I don't think it's bad to give your kids things, but I think it's important to help them stay grounded and appreciative for what they have.

So more than about stuff, because I think that's less important, I think I DID a lot of fun stuff. And I wonder if my kids are not getting to because we don't do more. I think I kind of had it lucky in some ways, even though a lot of crap comes with divorce. And I mean a LOT. And obviously stability is better than so-called fun. But I just wonder if we shouldn't loosen up a little and DO more with our kids. It sure feels like we do a lot, but then when I think back to my own childhood and compare, I start to wonder. At least I know why I'm not a homebody!