Defining Moments

As yesterday marked the 10th anniversary of the horrible attacks on 9/11, I realized that that day was one of several defining moments in my life. I was 27 years old, already a working adult. I had gone that morning to Starbucks to present the Mary Kay marketing plan to a potential new recruit. On the way, I heard on the radio about a plane crashing into one of the towers. I thought nothing of it. It wasn't the first time I'd heard about a plane crashing into a building. After the meeting, I drove to Wells Fargo where I was a business banker at the time. I don't remember exactly what I heard on the rest of my drive (which was only about 5 minutes). I think I'd maybe been at work for at most 30 minutes when someone said it was on in the break room. This part is fuzzy. I believe I went in to go check it out finally when someone said a second plane just hit. That's the moment that changed everything. We spent the rest of the morning in the break room. I called both Mike and my dad who worked in skyscrapers downtown, and I asked them to go home. Neither of them did by the way. That was before all planes were accounted for. It seemed logical to me that downtown Houston, the 4th largest city in the US and a huge international port could be a possible likely target.


And that was the day I realized that the safety and security that I thought I had in the greatest country in the history of the world had been taken for granted. I realized how vulnerable we all are. My appreciation for our everyday heroes grew exponentially. The commandment "Love thy neighbor" meant so much more. Even though I didn't know anyone who was a victim that day, I know people all over the country and in many parts of the world. I knew that all those victims were ordinary people, like you and me, just minding their own business. I think that is the difference between an adult mind versus a younger mind. I saw all those people as brothers and sisters, not just somebody else that had something bad happen.


So yesterday I was reminded, as we all were, of the horrific day. And today I remember the patriotism and unified America that we were on 9/12/2001. If only we could all be so united every day. But then again I suppose our differences is what makes America great. Freedom to be who we want to be and think how we want to think. So our differences too should be celebrated, even when the right and left are at each other's throats.


Last night I started thinking too about what were the other defining moments in my life.


I suppose the first was the divorce of my parents. While I turned out pretty okay, all that I witnessed between divorce, broken families, and blended families was a huge mess. My experience growing up has greatly shaped my heart, my dreams, and my actions as an adult, wife, and mother. It affects me at the core.


The second was my decision at 8 years old to be baptized, follow Jesus, and become a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, known to many as the Mormon church. At the time I was just doing what I believed to be right. Over time my convictions grew and strengthened, but also I began to realize that my faith (or what people ignorantly thought about my faith) was not widely accepted. (To learn more about the Mormon faith click here: http://mormon.org or www.lds.org.) I would forever be challenged by others and would have to make decisions that go against the grain - decisions like to not drink and smoke and do other things that more and more of my friends were doing. But I have to be true to my beliefs, my testimony, my convictions. Otherwise I have no integrity and could never truly be happy if I was living a lie. Does this mean that I do everything right? Of course not. But I try my best.

My decision to attend college at Texas A&M versus BYU was a huge one. Again I chose the more difficult course for me, once again putting myself in a place where I was different. I loved my college experience but found it increasingly more difficult as I got older. In hindsight I really don't know which one I'd choose if I got to do it over. But that choice I'm sure greatly changed the course of my life.

Another defining moment for me was when I was 23 and my college friend Frank was murdered. Abducted at a car wash and found the next morning. Three days earlier he had ridden with me down to Houston for a weekend visit with friends. We had a little gang in college, and the whole gang was about to all be in the DFW area. We were excited to have everyone back together again. After his death, there wasn't much hanging out anymore. That was the day that life became serious. Life was no longer about just going out and having a good time. Life was real. It was precious. It wasn't as light anymore. I miss the days when it was. But age and experience matures you and you start to gain a more eternal perspective on things when people you love are taken from this earth. Don't get me wrong, it's still important to have fun, but there is so much more to life than just good times. Relationships, faith, commitments, courage, integrity, to name a few. I have since then experienced other tragic deaths but this was the first and the one that impacted me the most due to the horrific nature of it.

(Frank is in the group picture on the right.)

Another defining moment was when I chose my husband and decided to get married and make that lifelong and eternal commitment. At that moment I chose to live a more selfless life. I don't think young people realize this when they are getting married (I'm sure I didn't). But from that day on everything you do affects the other person and you have to take those things into account in the majority of decisions that you make. You are a team. You also must learn compromise and forgiveness. Selfishness and holding grudges will not make for a happy marriage.

Infertility. A three-year struggle for us. For some it is lifelong. I learned that we shouldn't ask "why me?" I learned that we all have trials, and that there will be more. I learned that sometimes we need to just be patient. I learned it is important to stay faithful and accept God's will for us. I learned empathy for others. Some weeks I was in the doctor's office 3 times in one week. I was getting blood tests almost every time. I had bruises all over my arms like a junkee. I thought about people with incurable health conditions that had to undergo a similar routine, but for the rest of their lives. I underwent undignified tests and procedures, all for the sake of being able to have a baby and become a mom. I learned to count my blessings and be glad for what I did have instead of what I didn't. Some days that was easier to do than others.


Motherhood, doubled over. Becoming a mom, whether it's to one child or ten, changes your life forever. It becomes a life of serving. Serving your children, serving your family. It becomes a life of worrying and praying. Like in marriage, major decisions also require thought about how it affects your children. And you learn unconditional love.

When we found out we were expecting a second set of twins, that's when I really went in full throttle into mommyhood. I decided to just embrace my crazy life, mini-van and all. I learned to everything there is a season. I learned to let go of some of my ideals and expectations about motherhood. At least the ones that aren't that important. I learned that it's okay to not have everything be perfect. And I learned that God really doesn't give you anything you can't handle.

Oddly with the little girls in preschool and me getting more personal time lately, I do see how there's a part of the inner me, trying to creep back out. I'm not sure in what form that will be, but the former part of me is thinking about coming out and making an appearance some day.


So these are the defining moments of my life thus far. It is quite a journey we are on. Our Father in Heaven wants us to learn and grow and become all that we can be, but it isn't always easy.


"know thou... that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." Doctrine & Covenants 122:7

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called
according to his purpose." Romans 8:28