Twin Challenge #4 - Complete and Total Exhaustion

I remember when I was pregnant with my second set of twins and another mom (not of twins) and I were talking. She said at least you only have to go through that horrible stage of no sleeping once (per two kids of course). She said, "you know, those first 6 weeks!" I think my mouth must have dropped open. How do I respond? Doesn’t she know I’d hardly slept in 3 years? Granted, the first six weeks are truly the worst, but to anyone who has ever had a bad sleeper, you know it can be a long time before you sleep again. Add into the mix another child and it’s that much LESS sleep.

I’m writing about this today because I have low blood sugar. It’s silly, I know. That’s something we all kind of laugh about like it’s no big deal. (Ever seen Mall Cop? It’s a whole spoof in the movie, and wouldn’t you know it – he’s just about to nab the bad guys and passes out, only to spring back to life after finding a snickers bar!) And it’s definitely not some horrible disease. But for someone who has to keep her energy level high, it’s a big deal when I can’t get off the couch yet two babies need changing, four kids need to be fed, the babies need to be carried upstairs to the cribs, etc. Add on top of all the physical work, less sleep and the result is I have been exhausted for 5 years.

Now, when I was in high school, I was so involved with everything that I felt like I was exhausted. So in college I made sure to get plenty of sleep. Grad school too. Then I entered the work world. Man did I think I was tired! And now I laugh at myself! I thought working was exhausting??? I sat at a desk all day! I went to lunch with grown-ups! I had 3 hours at night to get stuff done! I remember thinking I only have 3 hours a day to do what I need to do including eat and rest. Wah, wah, wah. Now I think what a luxury! Plus I could sleep all night and sleep in on weekends. The me now laughs at the me then.

I am NOT saying I would trade my old life for my life now. And all moms know what it’s like to be sleep deprived those first few months. And some moms of singletons also know what it’s like to go without sleep for years. But I think with twins it’s a given.

When people tell me they had their kids 13 months apart, they usually say “it was LIKE having twins.” And I think, “You have no idea.” Of course, 13 months apart would not be easy either. Not at all. But if you’ve never fed two (or more!) newborns through the night, you have doubtfully experienced the same level of exhaustion. Juggling the babies and then you feed one and try to put her down so you can feed the other but the first one now won’t go back to sleep. So you’re holding one and feeding the other (which also involves holding her, holding her head, and holding the bottle) and you’re contorting your body in the most amazing ways just so they don’t fall off your lap. Then the crying becomes a cycle that won’t stop. My older twins would just feed off each other (crying that is) until they were about 2 years old. In each set I had one with reflux, which meant holding the baby nearly all the time. But wait! There is another baby that has needs! And other children! And my first child with reflux kept me up for HOURS every night until she was about 14 months old. It was like night (and day) of the living dead! My second child with reflux had to be held until about 10 or 11 pm at night for about the first 6 months and didn’t sleep through the night until 8 months old.

My point really is this, the lack of sleep increases exponentially with multiples, because they keep each other up. First it is through crying and then later by having a free-for-all when you take the rails off their cribs. It’s not one coming down in the night, it’s two. Then you wake up to start your day (after a much interrupted night of half-sleep) and you’re not lifting one toddler but two. Get my drift? And you never get to catch up.

Now I must admit, my second set (20 months old) are sleeping really well in the night right now. It’s mostly all the physical stuff I have to do in the day so I am VERY grateful for the reprieve. I’m sure night wakings will return before long for some reason or another. But my body is tired. I never knew there could be such levels of exhaustion. I have problems with my posture now from so much hunching over and heavy lifting. I have had two major problems with my back which seem to be getting better but there was a time (about 6 months to a year long) where it was getting hard to do anything without it locking up on me. How old am I, 90? Oh, and the icing on the cake. What is that piece of advice about sleeping when the baby sleeps? Okay, I know a FEW twin moms whose babies actually slept at the same time but with both my sets I couldn’t do it until they were 8 or 9 months old. One would go down as the other was waking up. Of course!

So this is the real reason why I didn’t think I could handle twins a second time. I didn’t think physically it would be possible. But God is good and has given me strength! At least just enough I suppose. But I really do think my body is ready to be on the mend. One more year and then the lifting will decrease dramatically. Until then…I better quit watching The Tonight Show (and soon to be all my shows on DVR) and get some sleep! But I have to have SOME me time….Oh, and I joined a gym last week (because I have so much energy I need to do more – ha ha!) But seriously I AM sleeping pretty well right now and I thought ultimately it will help me feel better.

Oh, and I’m not bitter or anything.