Okay, every parent who has more than one child struggles with this. But parents of multiples I think have it especially hard. It starts at birth. Both babies are crying but there is only one of you. How do you decide which one to console? The one crying harder and louder? The one who was neglected the last time? The guilt it can bring upon you is almost unbearable, especially still having out of whack hormones or being a first time mom.
In time you learn that that's just how it is. You all adjust and deal with it the best you can.
In reference to my last post about investing in your kids, I admit that teaching things like potty training, swimming, reading, bike riding, are very tricky to make happen.
Swimming for instance. That has been one of the biggest challenges I have had. How do you teach one child to swim when you have to keep an eye on the other one? For someone who has invested so much time in getting my kids to swim, my older girls seem a bit behind some of their peers. I think it's because I couldn't get them in and work with them very much. Plus when they were ready, 2 more babies came along! How can I think about teaching them to swim? And I certainly couldn't take off their swim vests and let them go! 4 kids that can't swim? They'll just have to be delayed.
Bike riding. Mike has been the one going with them (which isn't all that often because he works a ton and just doesn't have a ton of time on his hands). So many times I have wanted to take them but it was impossible. I can't teach one kid to ride a bike when I've got three others I have to worry about riding into the street and getting hit by a car. It's completely impossible. So they are behind. Then multiply having to find the time to teach not one but two kids in the same time frame. It's hard having two (or more) kids in the same developmental stage at a time because when they need you the most, so does another child.
Reading was a little bit easier because at least safety wasn't involved. I have been able to always read to my older girls at night, even after the little girls were born. I have always had to adjust here and there as the little girls' bedtime routine has shifted around. I used to put the little girls down and then move onto the big girls. It was the one time I had quiet time with both of them. And luckily they DIDN'T pick up reading at the same time so I only had to work with one at a time. And it's also lucky that my big girls don't need help reading anymore. That came just in time because now the little girls are going to bed at almost the same time so I really don't have time to read to them anymore. I read to the little girls instead.
It's very hard to explain to a parent who does not have multiples what it is like because they will respond "I know exactly what you mean! I also have two / three kids!" But in many respects, especially in the first few years, you have unique challenges that other parents do not have to deal with. I only had two babies but boy, it was a lot of work! It's getting much better now, but I cannot imagine how much more work it is to raise multiple sets of multiples!
ReplyDeleteThat last pic is CLASSIC!!!!!!! I think I have a similar pic...me sitting with Cole and Bella on the floor in front of the sofa with Garrett and Landon behind us on the sofa laying in their boppies with their bottles propped!
ReplyDeleteYou always seem to hit the nail on the head in the way you express life with multiple multiples. The concerns you shared weigh heavily on my mind, as well.
I faced the same worries about teaching them how to ride their bikes...I just ended up having to do it one at a time and thankfully they were each ready separately!
I worry how I'm going to juggle homework again this year. All 4 kids will have different teachers this year so I just hope it won't drive me too batty (can you believe that G & L actually get homework in preschool??)
How do you usually juggle homework with the older girls? Do you have them sit down separately at different times so you can focus on just one at a time or do you have them do it together, to get it over with all at once? I have no clue how I'm going to do it this year so any suggestions or feedback you have would be great!!!
The one thing that does give me peace of mind is that our kids don't know any different. We sit there and worry that we're not giving them enough individual attention...that we aren't able to devote enough of ourselves to each of them all the time. But this is their life...they don't know anything other than this. We can just hope that, as adults, they won't feel slighted and they'll realize that we did the best we can. As they become older and more independent, I hope it'll be easier to devote more individualized attention to them.
I wanted to also respond to your comment on my blog post today about marriage. I think your e-mail is a "no-reply" address so I couldn't respond via e-mail but I wanted to thank you for leaving the comments that you did. I agree with you 100% on everything you wrote. I always wonder if the grass is greener on the other side but I know that love is full of peaks and valleys and even if I did end up with someone else other than Tim, we'd experience the same things. So that's when I figure I might as well stick with it and just keep on working through the tough times.